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#1.- G: "They're going to sacrifice me... they're going to sacrifice me not... they're going to sacrifice me..." -- Dreamworker


#2.- "Hah! Did you ever notice that we never have trouble getting a table?" -- Gabrielle, in the scene in The Path Not Taken where Xena glares, punches and finally kicks all the thugs away from them.


#3.- "What we have here is a failure to communicate" -- Gabrielle in the brig, The Path Not Taken


#4.- Gabrielle trying to fib her way into the Athens Academy, even going as far as knocking over the tray with the scrolls -- Athens City Academy Of The Performing Bards


#5.- "You had people waiting on you hand and foot, fulfilling your every whim ... Hey, that's what you're here for" -- Gabrielle and Xena in Warrior... Princess


#6.- "Did I hurt you? ... No, no, lovin' every minute of it" -- Gabrielle and Xena climbing up the well in Altared States.


#7.- Gabrielle jumping off the roof of the hut and then using Xena's breastplate to hoist herself back up -- A Day In The Life


#8.- X: "No, no, yes, no. I tried that. Yes, both ways. No, I don't know. No, again. Are there any more questions? Good." -- Been There, Done That


#9.- X: "It's not the Fates; it's not Ares; it's not something that I ate. No, I have no poison dart marks. I have no Bacchae bites."
Jx: "Is that a hickey?" -- Been There, Done That


ELIMINATED IN RD.1 --- - Jx: "Group hug!!" -- When Joxer comes in and sees Xena and Gabrielle hugging in Been There, Done That.


#11.- G: "I don't think I have ever been part of a true disaster before."
X: "You are such a cynic" -- The Dirty Half Dozen


#12.- Darnelle "Hey that's not how a Princess fights!"
G: "Amazon Princess!" -- The Dirty Half Dozen


#13.- G: "But what is a mountain, but just a bunch of boulders, right? And what is a rock, but a large grain of sand? And what is a large grain of sand... I mean, do you see my theory here?"
X: "No."
G: "And that doesn't bother you at all, does it?"
X: "What possible use is this information to us?"
G: "Well, I haven't the slightest idea, but, well, hey, it gave us something to talk about since the last town, right?"
X: "A town... towns which are made up of houses, which after all are just large huts, which are made out of wood, which are made out of trees and... hang on, trees are bigger than huts... there goes that theory."
G: "You can be so frustrating sometimes." -- The Deliverer


#14.- Gabrielle (having *just* been rescued from having her legs broken on a cross): "Timing... we have GOT to work on timing..." -- The Deliverer


#15.- G: "Gabrielle, you have a plan. Nothing is set in stone. Flexibility... that's the key! What would Xena do?" -- Gabrielle throws a wooden bowl Chakram-style which bounces off the bars and knocks her out in "King of Assassins"


#16.- G: "Believe me, if I have to go the rest of my life without companionship, knowing myself won't be a problem." -- Warrior... Priestess... Tramp


#17.- Leah (dressed as Meg): "Gabrielle. Where are you?
Woman's Voice: [Scream]
Leah: "Gab..."
Female Voice: [Whip cracking] "Who's been a naughty blacksmith?"
Male Voice: "I have."
Leah: "Ohh!"
Sheep [Bleats]
Leah: "I hope that's a petting zoo. Oh, please, let that be a petting zoo! Sweet Hestia, I'm in a den of filth!" -- Warrior... Priestess... Tramp


#18.- Leah: "Heathens to the left of me; infidels to the right. Tremendous. Next thing you'll be telling me you're not virgins." -- Warrior... Priestess... Tramp


#19.- G: "You don't have to be a virgin to be virtuous."
Leah: "Oh, yes. You keep telling yourself that dear." -- Warrior... Priestess... Tramp


#20.- Leah: "And how can I pass your wisdom on to these women of questionable virtue, who so obviously disregard the purity of their own bodies."
G: "I was married at the time."
Leah: "Yes, well, we all have our little excuses, don't we?"
G: (very pointedly to Xena who is smirking) "Were you?" -- Warrior... Priestess... Tramp


#21.- Thoracles: "Virgins only."
G: "What? Is it written on my forehead?" -- Warrior... Priestess... Tramp


#22.- G: "You wrote on the scroll?"
Jx: "Oh, I, I... well, I was just trying to write a limerick to cheer you up a little."
G: "'A warrior, Joxer the Mighty,
Asked a boon from the god, Aphrodite.
And what a surprise,
He saw with love's eyes,
Three times...'"
Jx: "Had a little trouble there. Anyone know a word that ends in 'ite'?" -- When Gabrielle discovers the three naked G's in The Quill Is Mightier.


#23.- "The Elysian fields. Only heroes wind up here. Dead heroes. Dead, naked heroes." -- When Gabrielle is rescued from the water in Illusia in The Bitter Suite.


#24.- "Well, listen to my story about Gabrielle - A cute little gal that's lookin' really swell - Perfect hair, such a lovely lass - Nice round breasts and a firm young..." -- Fins, Femmes & Gems.


#25.- X: "... Are you out of your mind?!"
G: "Too loud? Are you worried we're gonna get there and the fish will be gone?"
X: "I'm worried we'll get there and the fish will be armed." -- Fins, Femmes & Gems


#26.- Jx: "Lila, any sister of Gabrielle is a part of her family" -- A Family Affair


#27.- X: "Hey, I'm not the one with the fungus among us."
G: "Oh, yeah, that's poetic. Did one of your bug friends whisper that in your ear?" -- In Sickness And In Hell


#28.- X: "That's strange, Argo seems to be deliberately avoiding me. Something's wrong."
G: "Yeah, you're telling me. Xena, it's red, it's green, it's on the move." -- In Sickness And In Hell


#29.- X: "Don't make me hurt you, Scabrielle."
G: "Alright, Eczema, what are you going to do, huh? You going to use your pressure points? Go on. Go ahead. Go for it. You can't touch me. C'mon. C'mon, you're really tough now Warrior Princess." -- In Sickness And In Hell


#30.- X: "Gabrielle, what's goin' on?"
G: "I woke up. I... I took a bath. Uh... I know I put my shirt on that tree. It's just gone. It doesn't make any sense... unless an animal took it. You know? A-a-a fashionable beaver or... or... oh, you didn't."
X: "Gabrielle. I was in a hurry. We ran out of rope."
G: "You stole my favorite shirt? It's the only shirt that goes with this skirt, Xena. You used it to tie up that-that-that smelly warlord. That's your excuse?! You ran out of rope?"
X: "The good news is you found somethin' else to wear."
G: "It's a sack!"
X: "How come you let Joxer sleep in so late?"
G: "I was topless." -- If The Shoe Fits...


#31.- X: "Raveneka's maps are all squished up on the bottom with her fruit. Whereas, the heavier, less necessary objects are on top."
C: "Maybe she liked her pears bruised."
G: "She's your mother." -- Takes One To Know One


#32.- Annie: "I had a past-life experience."
Harry: "OK... let me guess. You were, uh... Susan B. Anthony."
Annie: "No."
Harry: "Um... I give up."
Annie: "In a time of ancient gods... I was Xena... the warrior princess."
Harry: "That does it. I'm cutting you off. No more... internet chat rooms, and I'm dumping this thing."
Annie: "Get your hands off that, Harry." -- Deja Vu All Over Again.


#33.- X: "Tell you what... the next bad guy we come across is all yours. The next seven *little* bad guys we come across... they're all yours."
G: "'Little?' Is that a crack about my height?"
X: "No-- they're just harder for me to reach." [Chuckles] -- Succession


#34.- Aphrodite: "'Patient is hostile and insecure... possibly masking somelatent tendencies.'"
G: "This is stupid."
Aphrodite: "No, I'm sorry. Look... no more scroll, all right?"
G: "'Latent tendencies?' Where did you learn to talk like that?"
Aphrodite: "Honey, don't let the blonde hair fool you. Although bombastic forms of circumlocution should be generally avoided... one mustn't shy away from big words in the right context."
G: "What?" -- Punch Lines


#35.- X: "Don't say I never give you anything... sun... sand..."
G: "Surf!" (splashes Xena) -- Legacy


#36.- G: "So this is the desert hospitality that I've heard so much about."
X: "That's right... though the fact they worship us could be influencing the welcome a bit. Don't refuse anything. You'll insult them. (is handed food) Thank you."
G: "What is this?" (picking at something that appears to be cooked scorpion and other equally appetising fare)
X: "Something yummy..."-- Legacy


#37.- Kahina: "Bring us wine. We shall honor our guests. Of course, our tradition is one of hospitality. My cousins will be honored to take you both to bed."
G: (in an aside to Xena) "What was that you said about not refusing anything?" -- Legacy


#38.- G: "For once, Xena, I'd like to be Roman noble and you be the slave." -- Legacy


#39.- G: "Ha! Ha-ha... there's nothing divine about Xena. If she were a god, then I couldn't do this!"
X: "Ow!"
G: "Or that. Or this... Ow!"
X: "All right. You made your point."
G: "OK." -- "Many Happy Returns"


#40.- X: "I had a vision."
Jx: "Oh. You had a vision. She had a vision! You know, Xena... denial... ain't just a river in Europe."
X: "The Nile's in Africa."
Jx: "It's that long?"
X: "Joxer!" -- Soul Possession.





Michael